I talk about 20 core leadership secrets in my executive coaching, speaking and writing. But if someone asked me to name only one that can make an immediate impact, I would pick the behaviors to counter setbacks.
All of us have had (and will continue to have) some professional setbacks – prospects breaking off at the last moment after a seemingly agreeable interaction, clients refusing to renew, etc. While these examples are specific to my situation, we all face “setbacks” frequently as we strive to achieve our transformational goals. Whether in our personal or professional lives, setbacks and obstacles are here to stay. How does an effective leader react and respond to setbacks? While I can’t say that I am totally immune to the vagaries of rejection and setbacks, here are some daily practices I use that have helped me and can help you as well:
1. Budget discrete time for disappointment: While I believe in positive psychology, I don’t really believe in ignoring reality. I acknowledge the sinking feeling I get in my stomach when negative events occur! I know that it will make me feel discouraged and disappointed. What I have taught (and am constantly teaching) myself is to put a discrete timeline in my mind and tell myself that I will stop ruminating over the event after that arbitrary limit. Where you set that limit is up to you. The sooner the better, obviously. But you’ll get better at it as you practice this behavior.
2. Go back to your personal mission statement: The personal mission statement is one of my centering tools, and I especially go back to it when I have setbacks. Do the “whys” still hold true? Am I doing what I am doing for the right reasons? Do they align with my personal and professional themes for the year/future? This exercise serves to firm up my spine and point me back in the direction I should head. Do you have a personal mission statement?
3. Rapidly accelerate: I shift up my “MPH,” my “magnificent performance horsepower” to a different gear and focus intensely on my activity plans. I have found that nothing accelerates outcomes better than positive action. The time after a setback is the second-best time to accelerate (the best being when you succeed – more about that in a future chapter), so focus on action more than ever before. It is quite common to have doubts, of course, especially after a setback, which is why it is important to have a framework for action. I prefer to practice a weekly leadership ritual that gives me a discrete foundation for action. What about you?
4. Find and finish: I pick an outcome in a space that I have influence over (current project, personal project, personal life) and finish it! It is important to me at this point to gain the feeling of achievement and credibility I get by successfully getting to a notable outcome. This is also the time to go after that one activity you have been procrastinating about. The best way to build your core back up is based on achievement and credibility.
5. Finally, surround yourself with the right people: This is exactly the wrong time to hang around people who don’t understand your goals and vision. Unfortunately, many of those whom you consider close may fall into this category. It is simply best not to solicit any feedback from folks who say things like, “Well, it was always going to be tough to do that,” or “This is why I didn’t try to do that – I could have if I wanted to,” or the best one of them all – “I told you so!!!” Understand that you don’t have to react to this unsolicited feedback. Practice the art of selective hearing! It is very important to seek support from a group of people who are positively inclined and are striving toward transformation, just as you are.
